Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
