The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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