we have pet lesbian snakes
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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