I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
