Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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