Define "chronic" masturbator.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
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