Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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