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• (443): View more from Maryland

  sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I know, I was there.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?

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• (562): View more from California

  Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.

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• (718): View more from New York

  Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"

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