Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
