you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
