i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
