They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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