if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
