I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
