apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
