his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
