Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
last night I used snow as a chaser
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