There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
