she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
