at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
