this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
