I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
