He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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