we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
