Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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