if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize