12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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