Please, let me fuck your mom
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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