but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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