it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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