I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
