Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dear god my vagina.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
