I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
