There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
