He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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