I look better un-naked...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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