Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
