Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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