I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
