Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
