So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
