I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
