I have demons in me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
