I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
