I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
