Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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