oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize