If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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