I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
