dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
