Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
