Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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