He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
