it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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