the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
