well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
