My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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