Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
