He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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