she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
