ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
