I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize