i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
