I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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