Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize