We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
