Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize