If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
