Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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