One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Holy sore nipples Batman
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
