Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
